A few years ago I got sick. Really sick. I didn't know it at the time. It kind of snuck up on me. I was in the thick of it before I realized something was really wrong. I had given up gluten and dairy and chicken on my doctor's recommendation but I was still sick. Almost daily. I knew there was something that I was eating that was bothering me. I knew food had somehow gone from nourishment for my body to a weapon that made me sick every time I ate. I couldn't figure out what I was eating wrong or why I was always in the bathroom. I wished I could stop eating, that to nourish my body I could simply take a pill. I was tired of eating, I was tired of bloating and weird aches and pains, but most of all I was tired of my bathroom. Really, really tired of my bathroom.
I found out I had SIBO. https://purpledoorhome.blogspot.com/2017/04/ibelieveinyourstory.html
And then a year later I discovered I had Candida on top of that. I took meds, worked out and followed the low fodmap diet religiously and I started to feel better. I lost almost 30 pounds and had my energy back and my life back. Or so I thought.
On my youngest daughter's 12th birthday I got up from the table in the restaurant only to have explosive diahrea in the bathroom. I thought I was getting better. I had eaten at this restaurant before and had the same exact meal and hadn't gotten sick. I came home and while we sang happy birthday to her I started to cry. I knew I couldn't eat her cake and celebrate with her without experiencing more repercussions from the meal I had just eaten and the dessert on top of it. I was tired of being sick. I was tired of missing out. I was also angry and sad and completely deflated. I texted my good friend Kate Scarlata, who is also a world renowned expert in the low fodmap diet, through tears (from the toilet). I joked with her that we could have a whole series of "texts from the toilet", but I wasn't joking. I was just so tired of spending some of the most important days and nights of my life in the bathroom.
Going away to New York City with my family I spent an entire day in line for public restrooms (when I could find them). I was afraid to eat anything for fear of not being able to find a bathroom in time. I even told my 80 year old father that I was worried he wouldn't be able to find a place to eat once we left the city. He laughed and said "There is a restaurant or three on every corner in New York. We have a combined 150 years between us, we'll find someplace to eat. You don't have to worry about us!" I realized finding a place to safely eat was my problem, something I worried about. It is not an issue for the masses.
I feel like this illness took my 40's away from me. Took a lot of my energy away from mothering my kids, took away my desire to participate in social events (when most social events involve food it gets tiring to stay involved when it is food that is making you sick). But this disease also took away my ability to work and a lot of my self esteem. I have my master's degree in early childhood education. I couldn't teach with this condition. Five year olds don't wait while you go to the bathroom for the 5th time in one hour. Three year olds don't understand when you have to run out of the room mid story. There is not always someone at the ready to cover for you in the classroom when you have an emergency. I was done with all the taking. I was ready to feel in control again.
I'm a lot better now. I still have my sick days. And they may not be related to SIBO or Candida or the food I ate. They may just be nerves or hormones or life. At least I am not sick every day. And truthfully on those sick days a little of that fear creeps back in again. I can't do it again. I just don't have the energy to be that sick again. But it also makes me grateful. Grateful for the good days. Grateful for Kate. Grateful for the low fodmap diet. Grateful for eating healthy meals with my family that we all love. Grateful for food that doesn't make me feel sick the next day. Grateful for friends and family members who check in with me before events to make sure I will have something to eat on their special day. Grateful for life's events like skiing, and hiking and window shopping that don't always involve food. Grateful for laughter with good friends who don't care when I bring my own lunch to their house, to my kids who know that not every event has to involve food, and to my husband who is content to spend our dates hiking, skiing, or just snuggling on the couch watching tv. When you are chronically ill over a number of years you realize who your people are. They are the ones that are still there when you feel well again.
Since I've starting to feel better I've also started adventuring out more. I want to travel and show my children the world. Now that I'm in a better place and my symptoms are more in control we have started traveling more. I don't want my illness to control me anymore. I'm done having my life interrupted.
In the past few years we've been to Puerto Rico and Hawaii to celebrate my husband and I's 20th anniversary with our 3 girls. At the end of this month my oldest daughter and I are going to Haiti with the Be Like Brit Foundation to build a house for a Haitian family still homeless after the 2010 earthquake and to work with the children in the Be Like Brit Orphanage. I am humbled to be able to go and so excited for the eye opening experience this will provide for myself and my daughter as she heads off to college this fall. I know even a year ago I would have been too nervous to make this trip. To travel alone without my husband to cover for me if I was sick. Deciding to go and jumping on this opportunity made me realize I'd turned a corner in my illness. I was more excited about this opportunity than I was nervous about being sick.
Traveling with digestive issues isn't always easy. It requires planning and forethought and packing snacks and food that will sustain you when you can't find a meal where everyone else is eating. For this trip to Haiti I also need to have energy. I need to be able to carry supplies for the house we are building up mountainsides, to keep up with my group when we go on trips around the island, and to play with the children in the orphanage when they are done with school at the end of the day. I always pack low fodmap snacks in my suitcase and purse for times I can't find food. I eat every 3-4 hours so snacks are less of an issue but getting enough calories in one sitting to count as a meal and keep from being hungry is. I always try to stay in a place with a kitchen so that I can make my own rice, oatmeal or quick standbys for when meals out aren't an option for me. The orphanage has a kitchen where volunteers can cook some of their own food. Some people complain that the low fodmap diet is complicated and hard to learn. It's not. It was a life saver for me. It helped me go from sitting on the toilet to planning a trip to Haiti. It helped me get on with living and for that I am forever grateful.
